you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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