i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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