you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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