I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
