Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
