this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize