i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
