I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
