The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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