he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
