she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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