i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize