whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
