We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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