I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
