he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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