I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
