I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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