I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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