a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
