I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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