I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
