theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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