it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
