yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
