remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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