so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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