I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
