Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
