We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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