There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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