It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He did a backflip because drugs
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
