Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
