weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
