I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize