You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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