I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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