I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
