I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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