Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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