last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.