I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..