Texts From Last Night

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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car

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  (339): Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car http://tfl.nu/oon7
  Replies (29) Good night (4754) Bad night (895)
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  (716): View more from New York

  fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans

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  (716): fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans http://tfl.nu/906w
  Replies (155) Good night (8239) Bad night (2714)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?

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  (515): Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby (1-515): What the fuck were you doing at wal mart? http://tfl.nu/0ikn
  Replies (50) Good night (7735) Bad night (1276)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you

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  (215): i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you http://tfl.nu/4yxe
  Replies (35) Good night (9480) Bad night (1954)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

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  (989): Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am. http://tfl.nu/mfa3
  Replies (16) Good night (5248) Bad night (1213)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved

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  (262): well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved http://tfl.nu/a9c7
  Replies (1) Good night (1034) Bad night (1550)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.

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  (408): I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/0k63
  Replies (17) Good night (3140) Bad night (1432)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours

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  (203): I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours http://tfl.nu/8ktt
  Replies (9) Good night (1905) Bad night (654)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.

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  (609): I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/cul4
  Replies (4) Good night (1215) Bad night (533)
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  (415): View more from California

  I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.

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  (415): I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks. http://tfl.nu/v9xu
  Replies (5) Good night (1015) Bad night (519)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers

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  (+61): Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers http://tfl.nu/a2tk
  Replies (7) Good night (1215) Bad night (513)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.

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  (520): Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds. http://tfl.nu/3cpt
  Replies (6) Good night (1438) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.

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  (928): Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating. http://tfl.nu/r7wa
  Replies (6) Good night (687) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time

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  (410): I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time http://tfl.nu/zqpv
  Replies (0) Good night (348) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.

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  (719): I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone. http://tfl.nu/92pp
  Replies (0) Good night (324) Bad night (146)

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