so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.