Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.

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  (267): In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/c22r
  Replies (14) Good night (462) Bad night (3848)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed

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  (847): my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed http://tfl.nu/8ny3
  Replies (33) Good night (521) Bad night (3449)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

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  (608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her. http://tfl.nu/mczp
  Replies (28) Good night (2601) Bad night (12028)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

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  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (1009) Bad night (8153)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

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  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (38) Good night (1952) Bad night (9899)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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  (817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc
  Replies (12) Good night (8071) Bad night (904)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time

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  (208): Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time http://tfl.nu/nmkk
  Replies (4) Good night (7073) Bad night (1179)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while

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  (317): She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while http://tfl.nu/u1c9
  Replies (21) Good night (5163) Bad night (861)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.

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  (334): Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram. http://tfl.nu/7u9p
  Replies (2) Good night (1608) Bad night (715)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere

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  (506): And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere http://tfl.nu/qfu5
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (860)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.

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  (610): pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco. http://tfl.nu/n13q
  Replies (12) Good night (2120) Bad night (393)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.

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  (407): If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3. http://tfl.nu/ytxl
  Replies (3) Good night (1250) Bad night (411)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.

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  (905): And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced. http://tfl.nu/b7p5
  Replies (12) Good night (2874) Bad night (481)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??

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  (304): Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun?? http://tfl.nu/lwzi
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (392)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.

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  (506): I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success. http://tfl.nu/n6ta
  Replies (3) Good night (491) Bad night (181)

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