I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i barfeds in our rink
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings