Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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