I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
