So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There are leaves in my underwear?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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