so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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