how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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