Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize