That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
