he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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