I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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