I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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