Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
