That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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