I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
