I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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