Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
